Updated: Mar 11
Day 39/366 days Towards Self-Mastery. Mood: intrigued
To be creative is to know how to wield a paintbrush across a wide white canvas, draw an amazing picture capturing the many nuanced shadows, rock along to an audience from the stage, create an amazing and imaginative film, get messy with clay, NONE of which I have ever accomplished.
To be creative one also needs to be imaginative. Or do they?
These were the stories I told myself about creativity, along with, " I am simply not creative."
Yet from an early age I've been able to perfect the interior decor of my home, create a fashion item from a magazine image, and craft an imaginative solution for almost any problem.
With a long history of success in my careers and businesses, I've succeeded in shaping teams into loyal and long-term colleagues.
Are these successes creative? In a way they are I guess, although I'm not so sure of the creative impulse that enables me to copy things well, and I still don't feel as wildly creative as I'd like to feel.
Today's inspiration is about meeting with our creativity
We are all artists. An artist, according to Sarah, is someone with good listening skills and access to the creative energies of the universe.
Experience something new today. By leaning into the life that you have, with the resources readily available around you, you are able to create an authentic life.
With every choice you make, every day, you are creating a unique and authentic life. You are accessing the creative impulse of life.
This is quite a tricky challenge for me today. And the reason, I'm discovering, is kind of subtle but also feels a little like I've been hit over the head with a wet fish.
Most of my adult life I've had this idea that I can do and be anything I want to do and be. Not so much a sense of entitlement but one of adventure and exploring. The down side is that this chasing after another adventure has taken me down paths that have not been a match for my skills and competence, nor for my true nature. For this reason success has been varied, slow or non-existent for much of the time.
Okay, I've done "good enough". It hasn't been a total fail.
In recent years I've been exploring the online world, marketing into social media and driving for a laptop business that I can do from anywhere in the world. Yet another adventure. What I've realised in the last 38 days of this challenge, is that this isn't even a lifestyle that I would enjoy!
Have I lost my way again?
It's the adventure that grabs me, the novelty, the excitement of conquering another mountain. Do I really need it? Do I even want it?
The realisation has dawned on my that I am skilled at so many things that I could settle into without having to open up to a whole new concept and start over, again.
As I turn toward me and that inner voice that Sarah's alluding to, I hear that it's time to focus my attention here where I am, in my community, with my acquaintances and neighbours, right here. Build my business around me here at home where I don't have to travel, I don't have to spend hours on social media, and I don't have to attract hundreds of engaged followers.
There's a feeling of acceptance, and also one of reluctance. And there's an edge of terror I'm experiencing as I consider the idea of becoming suburban.
Did I just say that!
My worst nightmare ever, was to become suburban. White picket fences, 2 cars in the garage, mowing lawns on the weekends, pot luck dinners with neighbours, Friday night at the pub watching rugby. Suburban, defined in the online dictionary as contemptibly dull and ordinary.
And here I am! A little more inner work to explore those horrors would seem timely.
In many ways the idea seems so much more authentic to me. On one hand terror, on the other, comfort. In therapy we're often exploring these inner conflicts.
Glimpses of touching my true nature more intimately. It's a coat I'm not used to wearing. I'll need to spend some time getting a little more comfortable with it.
Maybe, just maybe, my creativity will be hidden there.
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.