Day 303/366 days Towards Self-Mastery.
For a very long time I distance myself from my family and everything they stood for. It was a matter of survival, or at least that's what it seemed.
In fact it was my adaptive way of coping with the immense hurt and pain of my childhood. Distance and isolation seemed like a great way to get away from the reactive attack and defend mentality that I'd grown up with.
Unfortunately for me, it took a while to realise that I was also part and parcel of that mentality. I'd taken it with me. Of course it was all I knew so it's not rocket science to realise that this was how I too responded.
It wasn't long before I realised that I was creating the same hurt in the world that I was subjected to as a young person. On noticing this I distance myself and isolated myself even further. I'd lost trust in myself and came to the conclusion that the least amount of contact with people was safest for everyone. I couldn't bear to see the hurt expression on someone's face from a tone or words that slipped out unfiltered.
Long story short, on spending time in therapy and doing a mass of inner work I was able to heal myself and reconnect with my family. Not so much my living family initially, but my ancestral family. In doing so I was able to identify where the love lines were lost in our family, and get to know the courage and passion of some of my ancestors.
My story was always that my family were poor. They lived in the old country in Europe and I had imagined that they were in survival mode for most of their lives. Certainly my immigrating family had their beginnings in Australia in homes with dirt floors, limited opportunity for work and a life of struggle, or so it seemed to me.
This story lived in me and manifest my own version of poverty, never really feeling that I could lift myself out of what seemed to be my ancestral legacy. That was until I spent the time to know my family better.
There are so many elements that we forget as we reflect and imagine. Those times cannot be compared with today standards. In my ancestors I saw love, strength, courage, connection and great compassion. I also discovered wealth, beauty, knowledge and intelligence. As I explored and discovered, I connected with the history of their time that impacted them. The first and second world wars, the holocaust, famine, the great depression, and immense loss.
The truth is that there is no way you can escape your relatives. What I am saying here is that you are the product of your ancestors. You are at the leading edge of their genetics, their aspirations and their drives. You are them, in this time.
You are able to draw on the best that they have to offer and learned as they navigated life. They stand behind you in everything you do, experience and strive for. Connect and tap into this resource.
Spend the time connecting with your ancestors through old photos, ancestry sites, family stories, and reflect on your qualities and theirs, and find your place in your lineage. You'll be surprised with what you find, and you may even feel a great deal of connection and value in realising the path that brought you here.
Awaken to the magic and mystery that a connected family lineage can provide you. Know more about who you are and what is encoded in your genetic material. Solve the splits and broken love lines and bring your family back to wholeness. It's up to you.
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.