Sex and marriage
Day 336/366 days Towards Self-Mastery.
"There are many ways to make love other than the missionary position," spoken like a busy, married woman, Sarah.
Call me stupid if you like, but there was a time when my boyfriends lasted 2 months. Stupid because I had no idea that all that passion would naturally evaporate. I thought that evaporation meant that interest had drained away, drought had set in and tedium was the future to look forward to.
Stupid, because I had absolutely no idea of the way of relationships. How they worked, what to expect, no common sense at all about what to make of them.
When I speak with young people today they seem to understand stuff that I didn't have the faintest idea about. And they tell me it's common sense. I certainly missed that boat.
Without being too hard on myself, I have to confess to talking this subject over with recent friends, all of whom seem to be surprised that sex after marriage merges into the milieu of family life. So that's what's happening? Um, yes...
And so Sarah suggests that there are many ways of having sex or more precisely, making love, than romping around the bedroom.
Making him a grab-and-go breakfast when he's rushing to an early meeting, picking up his favourite mag in town, making his favourite meal once a week, letting him sleep in when the kids are up early on the weekend, texting him a love message, touching tootsies under the table. Of course these ideas work both ways so if it were me, I'd be having that conversation with him as we come to terms with the change in relationships dynamics when children come along.
According to the research on this subject, all that passion that goes into finding a partner is quickly followed by directing it into child-raising and following a career path. Sorry folks, you simply don't have enough energy to go any further.
Know that this is normal. This is what we all do. Any partner that is more demanding than this is not in tune with his or her creation.
My experience drew those partners that didn't get this. I didn't get this. Which wound me up in a diabolical mess with sex addicts and relational misfits.
Don't despair. There's still an opportunity to learn something more about relationships. The learning never ends. For me it's been a case of getting better at this stuff. Not before time!
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.