When Love is Missing
- how emotional neglect shapes our lives - and how healing begins.
This book may be for you if…
You grew up with your practical needs met but something important still felt missing; you learned to minimise your needs or become highly self-sufficient; or you find yourself struggling with trust, closeness, self-worth or asking for support without quite knowing why.
When Love Is Missing explores the quieter experience of childhood emotional neglect — not only what happened, but what may have been missing: comfort, attunement, encouragement, protection and a steady sense of being known.
Through Jessie’s story, the book looks at how these early absences can shape self-worth, relationships, trust and the nervous system across adult life.
Grounded in Gestalt therapy, attachment theory and trauma-informed understanding, it offers a compassionate way to make sense of old patterns and begin relating to yourself with greater awareness, choice and care.
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Table of Contents
Part 1 - The Experience of Developing and Living Without Love
1. Love Is Essential
2. What Is Emotional Neglect?
3. Early Responses
4. The Psychological Landscape - The Role of Attachment
5. The Body Remembers - The Neurobiology of Neglect
Part 2 - The Longer-Term Journey
6. Carrying the Burden of Long-Term Emotional Effects
7. Identity and Self-Worth
8. Patterns of Relating - Social Relationships and Interpersonal Dynamics
9. Behavioural Patterns and Coping Mechanisms
Part 3 - Healing and Moving Forward
10. Resilience and Recovery - Pathways to Healing
11. Rebuilding Trust and Forming New Bonds
12. Cultivating Self-Love and Compassion
13. Transforming Pain into Purpose
Reviews
Dr Pam Stavropoulos describes When Love Is Missing as a “gentle but powerful reflection” that brings attention not only to what happened in childhood, but to the lasting impact of what didn’t happen.
She particularly highlights the book’s exploration of “the shaping of identity through absence”, its understanding of protective strategies as responses that once helped us stay safe, and the way its reflective pauses allow readers to work gently and at their own pace.
She describes the book as both a source of understanding and a practical guide for recognising and reworking relational patterns that have outlived their usefulness.
Pam Stavropoulos PhD (Pol), Grad Dip Psychotherapy, PACFA Accredited Supervisor
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Psychotherapist and author Kathrin Stauffer whole-heartedly recommends When Love Is Missing, describing it as “very readable and accessible” and appreciating its warm, sensitive approach to the effects of childhood emotional neglect.
She highlights the book's Gestalt perspective and the way Jessie’s story provides readers with a clear narrative for understanding how childhood neglect may continue to shape adult life.
Importantly, she also values the book’s balanced approach to self-support: its reflective practices are offered as useful resources without suggesting that they are a simple solution or a substitute for the relational support a person may need.
She describes the book as “a great place to start” for people beginning to wonder whether childhood neglect may have affected them.
Kathrin Stauffer, PhD, author of Emotional Neglect and the Adult in Therapy
4 High-Value Skills
Skills For Life - Recovery From Emotional Neglect