There is a particular ache in not being asked. Not being asked how you are. Not being asked what happened. Not being asked what you think. Not being asked what you feel.

You can speak honestly about your feelings without needing to protect everyone else from them. You can explore your doubts, fears, needs, hopes, and limits. You can begin to understand what belongs to the relationship, what belongs to your own history, where and how you would like to focus your therapy work, and what may need to happen next.

You do not resonate with everyone you meet, and this is also true when you meet a therapist. The relationship itself matters. The way a therapist listens, responds, explains their work, and creates a sense of safety can make a significant difference to how your therapy unfolds.

Emotional neglect is often difficult to name because it is about absence. The absence of warmth. The absence of comfort. The absence of delight. The absence of repair. The absence of attention. The absence of emotional responsiveness. You may have been fed, clothed, educated, and provided for. But emotionally, you may still have been alone.

You might delay replying. You might tell yourself you will answer later. You might feel tired before anything has even happened. You might begin thinking through everything that could go wrong. Then, perhaps, you criticise yourself. Why am I like this? Why can’t I just enjoy people? Why do ordinary friendships feel like so much work?

Starting a business and self-doubt often sit close together. This does not mean you are not capable. It may mean you are doing something that asks more of your nervous system than you expected.