Living in the question
It's day 02 of 366 days towards self-mastery. Status: Early days. Still inspired.
A hopeful daily practice of leaning into living towards self-mastery by reflecting on the daily inspirations from a dusted off 20 year old book that was hiding in back of my bookshelf, Simple Abundance.
Today's reflection is to look into my heart and find the unanswered questions.
...love the question, live in the question and let the answer come to me when I'm ready to receive it
As I reflect on this statement I think of all the years of striving. And I think of all the pressure to keep striving - income, standard of living, desires for things that I can't have without a great income, disapproval from those closest to me, to name the immediately obvious.
Have I done okay for myself? I've had some lucky breaks and some pretty crappy ones. I've generated a fair income and I've also lost considerable assets as a consequence of not being savvy enough to protect my interests when the chips were down.
At age 35 I realised that financial security was something I'd have to take personal responsibility for and I've been striving for that ever since.
Financial savvy came easily to me however building great relationships didn't, and I lost most of those hard-earned assets to others. I do have my own home, debt-free. That much I very much appreciate.
The value of being my age, I'm 63 years old, is that after so many years of striving, I've finally figured out that striving for a financial goal doesn't always remain inspiring if you're not giving your energy to meaningful work.
Striving for me was about a hard work ethic. It's been about keeping the nose to the grind. And if things are not working out, things like, I'm not making enough income, or I'm not happy in my job, then that means I should be striving harder.
It's hard to strive at something that doesn't light you up. And the opportunities to find meaningful work in the job market is evaporating. At my age, there's little chance of getting a job in something I love. I have to create that income myself. And I want to. I want to live life fully engaged on my terms.
How much life have I got left? Let's say 30 years. I want to turn this ship around. I want to live a life worth living.
Can I trust that life will support me and magic will happen? Will my skills and my interests and my experience and my education enable me to conjure up something that will delight me and the income will follow?
My question then is, or perhaps I should say, my questions are:-
How do I get to a place of trust that I will be supported by everything I am, and everything I've done, to find that sweet spot where I'm supported by and engaged with the magic of life, doing what I love? How do I surrender to what is and follow my heart, and let my heart lead the way?
That right there is scary as all hell! It's the antithesis of anything I've been taught or ever done.
Actually, what comes to me is, "how do I trust myself?"
How do I lean into my creativity and begin to build trust in it?
When you've spent a lifetime well-conditioned to meet other people's expectations with first gear fully engaged, survival mode, you don't have access to your creativity. You simply can't be creative in survival mode. It's not possible.
Allowing my heart to lead is going to require that I access and trust my own creativity. Right then.
Ah! Light bulb moment 💡Do I have to get out of survival thinking to access creativity? Am I in survival mode thinking? More questions.
There are a lot of people in survival mode right now in Australia as the wild fires rage through communities. I'd be forgiven for being caught up in that mood.
For now I'll just live in the question.
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. If not now, then when?
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart. As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah, Ban Breathnach
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market as it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.