Day 130/366 days Towards Self-Mastery.
Keeping things in order. Living an ordered life. What do these statements mean to you?
I recall when my son was very small, around 5 years of age, a friend surprised my by suggesting that routines were a good idea.
Having lived spontaneously and chaotically, no doubt, until I have reached the then age of 45, routine was something synonymous with boredom in my vocabulary.
She kindly pointed out that routine meant that life was more predictable for my son, he would learn what to expect, life would become easier. To this day I can't remember how I had been navigating life with him prior to heeding her advice and discovering the relief that ordered routines brought.
There's an uneasiness in my bones as I write and reflect on my family upbringing. Household chores were not a labour of love, but a labour more akin to bootcamp with the commanding officer very commanding indeed. There's a sinking feeling in my chest, my breathing has stopped, as I take myself back to the Saturday morning routines.
My home is relatively ordered and tidy. I say relatively because each time I notice a film of dust has appeared again, or the large glass doors have become home to spiders once more, that same feeling comes over me as I begin again to prepare myself for the laborious chore of cleaning.
Come to think of it, a reframe is definitely in order.
My preference is to live with a little more enthusiasm for keeping order. Windows a little less visible than they are right now, wooden furniture dusted and polished, dishes put away. It's definitely not chaos in my home, and the whole business of keeping order could be approached with a little more grace.
Instead I would rather bury myself in exploring another new rabbit hole, or some other distraction that robs my home of its rightful caretaker.
Our homes reflect our inner world. What story am I still telling myself. In those early years, I was dragging myself through my childhood, marking time for my great escape. Am I still dragging myself through life waiting for some reprieve?
The threads that bind us to our earlier life are visible in the way we approach life now. That thread that anchors me to my disdain for housekeeping has suddenly shown me its intensity, its current impact in my everyday life. Like that layer of dust it blemishes the beauty of my home, my inner and my outer world.
Can I bring my joy, my love for my space to the chore of dusting and keeping order?
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.