Day 177/366 days Towards Self-Mastery
To have faith or to lose yourself in self-doubt.
When I reflect on my experiences with early Catholic teachings, there was this question of having faith. As I understood it, it was faith that God would provide, that all my prayers would be answered. In essence, that all would be okay.
At the same time I was a woman in a man's world, a female in a family that valued males, a nurse because women couldn't be doctors. Is it surprising that women are plagued with self-doubt. And that's not even to mention the long history of the suppression of women that has it's memory in our DNA.
So common is self-doubt amongst women that it has even been designated a condition, Imposter Syndrome.
Faith.
There's a whole inner journey that has brought me to a place of trusting in life. I think that this is what faith really is. Trusting in the abundance and generosity of life itself.
That inner journey has given me the opportunity to know myself and know my value. To know that I don't have to compete nor compare. To find my niche in the world as it currently is. I call that journey self-mastery.
Do I still get tripped up when someone projects their expectations on me? Yes of course. From time to time those old habits of doubting myself surface. Only momentarily until I remind myself that I don't have to prove myself to anyone.
Trusting in life for me is waking in the morning and wondering what the day will bring, instead of planning it down to the last minute.
It means knowing what I'm reaching for and catching the subtle signs for each next step, knowing that step is heading in the direction of my goals.
It means backing myself. And most importantly, it means that I'm perfectly okay with getting it wrong, with misstepping. With having something to learn. With not reaching perfection. I call that being human.
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.