Whose driving the bus?
Day 230/366 days Towards Self-Mastery.
For the last 30 or so years I have been self-employed. Initially in a conventional bricks and mortar business, online wasn't a thing.
Owning my talents was easy back then. I made a plan and I followed the plan, employed into my deficits and surrounded myself with a capable team of people who together created a well-oiled machine and a successful business.
Well, actually it was 2 successful businesses.
Where I couldn't market or do sales calls, I had others who could and were great at it.
Then I thought I would do the easy thing and return to health as a therapist. Bringing with me my wealth of knowledge and experience, both from my nursing and midwifery days, my life experiences, additional education along the way and powerful techniques and practices that would support others to live more fully, I thought this would be a piece of cake.
And I would do that online. What could be more exciting than developing a global practice from my own home!
Technically I certainly know enough about starting and maintaining a business. So why was it difficult to show up consistently, bring a consistent message, respond to others consistently.
There are thousands upon thousands of business coaches out there telling you how it could and should be done, and each and every one of them have the exact same problem. Difficulty showing up consistently and presenting a consistent message.
Until I realised that actually, it's not a problem at all. Each time they, and I, changed our message or took time out and didn't show up consistently, we were expressing another part of ourselves.
The trouble with thinking we know who we are is that self is not a constant one method of living, kind of thing. Self, what we know as ourselves is a host of different ways of showing up.
My 17 year old self has a ton of energy and is willing to try out new things, take risks, succeed and fail and try again.
My 12 year old self struggles with connecting, finds safety in solitude, needs a lot of space and time alone to figure things out.
My 21 year old feels enormous shame if she is judged for misstepping or doing something wrong.
With all these parts being a self-part of me, it's little wonder that showing up consistently is a problem.
Wouldn't it be great if all those parts could cooperate and become an integrated whole. Well that's the idea. And there's no doubt that many people can.
For me it's taken considerable time, energy and therapy to integrate those parts and make one whole consistent and self-compassionate person.
It was about recognizing where I was stuck and working to discover the part that was engaged at that time.
My 21 year old wasn't going to move forward into the limelight unless she was 100% sure that she would be accepted and that she would get it right. Well that was never going to happen. She needed some more tools and more information about life to work with.
My 17 year old was fighting fit and wanted to push through, becoming extremely frustrated that she wouldn't let her. She needed some understandings about life and what a young adult needs in terms of time and space to grow into their confidence.
The purpose of therapy for me was to move passed being stuck, to open the flow of energy to growth and progress. And that meant exploring those parts, building a relationship with them and meeting their needs.
For me the mystery of the human condition was discovered. It gave me direction and hope for the future, and supported me to begin to live life more fully and expressively.
Owning my talents is now a matter of showing up as a more integrated me that is able to be here more consistently.
It's not something I could force myself to be, and I don't believe it is something you can white-knuckle yourself into either.
My messages that have been floating around for years have become a consistent and congruent whole.
If you're not showing up in life how you want to and believe that you can, take the time to check in with your inner work and see who's driving the bus. Get help if you need it.
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.