Day 214/366 days Towards Self-Mastery.
It's 5.30 a.m., about an hour before sunrise. The birds are waking and beginning to herald their morning chorus.
As I sit in bed with my hot drink I'm reflecting on what coulda, shoulda, woulda been, if only. Tears. Then finally it dawns on me. It has all unfolded in exactly the way it was meant to. Sadness balanced by joy, trauma balanced by awareness, ignorance balanced by learning.
Currently I'm studying and exploring childhood trauma. The sort of trauma that occurs in families that is not so overt but is transferred from one traumatised generation to another. The simple acts of micro-aggressions that are not intended to hurt, but are ways of coping with loss, rejection and fear. The best intentions that are delivered as life lessons, and leave scars.
"Our own life is the instrument with which we experiment with truth (Thich Nhat Hanh)". Could there be truer words than these.
Living authentically for me meant searching for the answers to the human condition that I was experiencing.
This morning I awoke peacefully. More peacefully than I can ever remember. No anxiety about the day. Acceptance of what is. The knowledge that joy will return, and leave, and return again.
The morning sky is alight with golden rays of the first glimpse of the sun, just as it has for millennia. Over and over the cycle repeats itself, waiting patiently for us to find the way to be more of who we are, to remember who we are, to tap into our originality, to live from our authentic core.
What will it take to allow your life to be the instrument through which you experiment with truth?
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart.
As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.