Day 19/ 366 days Towards Self-Mastery. Status: exhausted
Struggle. Today my mind and body have been depleted. Last night I was challenged to the most frightening experience of my life, bar none.
After sleeping for a few hours this morning, taking a lovely drive in the country and visiting a friend, I have enough energy to write this post before turning in.
As we continue on this transformational journey with Sarah, today's guidance is to give up the path of struggle.
I couldn't agree more.
When we buy into the idea that life's a struggle, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You could change that word struggle for the word fear, and you'd be right on the money.
Let it be known today that you are keen to learn through joy, and willing to let struggle go.
Fear is the underlying emotion of all struggle. We struggle until we are prepared to face our fears.
Many people subscribe to the notion that we need struggle to learn and grow. I call BS!
In my experience struggle just held me back. There was nothing inspirational nor motivational about struggle. Let it go.
We can learn from our struggles or we can learn from our joys. We just have to choose.
When I was less well informed I subscribed to a process that went like this. If I prepare for the worst, then I can handle anything else that shows up.
Now, the worst didn't always happen, but what did happen, is that I spent a lot of my life preparing for it. Many times undesirable outcomes did happen, and I didn't put 2 + 2 together.
When we expect something it's often a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's because we give it so much attention, as I was in preparing for the worst. My fear was that I felt that I didn't have any support. I told myself I had to work life out for myself. I had to handle anything that came up.
For most of my life I've held the fear that I am alone in the world, that no one has my back. That I have to be totally self-sufficient. And that is how I've lived my life. A prophecy fulfilled. Until I woke up.
You've probably heard it said,"where attention goes, energy flows". And that energy is the energy of bringing that thing to life.
There are unlimited potential outcomes for any one event. Immerse yourself in the amazing work of Nassim Haramein, an extraordinary physicist. You'll learn that every single proton in every single atom in your body has unlimited wormholes connecting it/you to every possible potential.
We get to choose what we focus on. Don't let a struggling mind and a fearful heart focus you on what you don't want.
Last night, right through the night, as I was confronted with my very worst fears, all my knowledge and experiences came flooding in and I had a choice. Drop into fear and focus the whole night on the worst case scenario, or choose an outcome that was uplifting, life giving and life changing.
After some deliberation and the enormous efforts of my body to activate into fight, flight or freeze, I chose to focus on the latter. Many times during the night my body sank into a dorsal dive, the fear, and in my case, terror response, and each time I breathed through it and reignited my image of the best outcome, at the same time recalibrating my nervous system over and over again.
It was a tough night. My body was filled with adrenaline and other stress hormones this morning, and I felt positively sick as they coursed through my veins.
The best possible outcome was the result that I discovered this morning. It was a moment of realisation. Fear didn't win. I focussed every ounce of my energy on the best possible outcome. Though I can't claim cause and effect, I can claim that my resilience grew, and fear will win it's internal battle no more. Self-Mastery.
And I slept long.
You can learn through struggle, or you can learn through joy. Which one do you choose?
(Incidentally, I teach this process of working with fear in my Towards Self-Mastery Workshops.)
366 days Towards Self-Mastery
When I considered my New Year's intentions for 2020 I had just one: To allow my heart to love what it loved...and let it lead me. (If not now, then when?)
I've spent months working on integrating my life. To live life more fully with my home life, my interests, my work, my responsibilities, all coming together, all connected. I want to give each the attention that they desire and need, and still have time and energy for the others. That means living and working from the heart. As I was clearing out my bookshelf over the Christmas break I discovered Simple Abundance. I set it aside to explore it on New Year's Day as I lazed through another delicious day of nothingness. Sarah, the author, says this book is about living in grace. Living in grace I realised, is about Self-Mastery.
My thirst for understanding the human condition has driven me all my life, and hand-in-hand with self-mastery it has been a life-long goal. And seeing as I love to write, that living in grace is about self-mastery, and I love a bit of a challenge, then if I am truly going to let my heart lead, I really don't have any other choice. So scary as it feels, I'm starting out on a daily mission of leaning into the suggestions of this daybook and making a daily post to keep me accountable. If not now, then when?
I'm Josie. You can find out a little more about me here.
Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy: by Sarah Ban Breathnach
This book is written for the Australian and NZ market because it refers to seasonal changes. It's available on Amazon here if you'd like to follow along.