Lacking Confidence? The end is at the beginning...
It doesn’t take rocket science to learn how to get what you want. Just watch a 2 to 4 year old. They’re the masters of “I want!”
Right around the age of 18 - 24 months, there’s enough savvy there to begin to realise that some things are awesome, and some things are just plain NOT!
“So I don’t have the words but I do have the voice, and I’ve got to let this lot know what I want, so…
And that’s just the beginning.
There is going to be all sorts of fun and games ahead as they try one strategy after another to get what they want - stiffening, screaming, kicking, flailing, running for it, biting, breaking things, holding their breath.
Scary as all hell!
BUT THIS IS NOT A PARENTING BLOG
You’re going to get that performance for all sorts of reasons, and wants!
These little guys have got a pretty good handle on what they want, and it they don’t get it the first time, that little scrap of humanity is going to try something else until they figure out how it’s done!
In all of that practicing and strategising and learning, these little fellows draw conclusions about how to get stuff. Or they draw conclusions about how hard it is to get stuff.
These conclusions become their “go to” method each time they find themselves wanting something, anything - things, attention, love and money!
Now this is not a parenting blog so I’m not going to tell you how to handle it. Just remember that they’re not “mini me”, you’ve got to teach them. Good luck!
WHAT IS YOUR "GO TO"?
I want you to think about how you behave now, when you want something?
Let’s say something like a pay rise, a new shiny something that you can’t quite afford, a holiday that your partner’s not keen on, and job that you want but the competition is solid, an outfit that you saw in Vogue but it’s a little out of your reach!
If that little guy gets what he wants every single time he opens his jaws, he and his are in for one hell of a ride in his later years. I know this from experience.
If he never gets what he wants he’s going to grow up wondering what the hell is wrong with him that life isn’t delivering his basic needs.
And everything in between…
NOW YOUR TURN
Fast forward 30 or so years and let’s take a look at the strategies that you learned between the ages of 18 and 48 months and how they show up in your life right now.
Do you feel confident to go for what you want?
Do you feel capable of negotiating your pay rise?
Do you feel worthy of that job?
Do you feel competent in your ability to make or save the money for what you want?
Or do you feel defeated?
Do you resort to negative self-talk, literally talking yourself down?
Do you feel immobilised by fear?
Are you too scared to try something new?
Are you fearful that you’re going to get it wrong?
Do you feel alone and unsupported?
It is at this early age when self-esteem and self-worth are either nurtured or neutered.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not just your parents fault. It’s a mad combo of your family patterns and beliefs, your ancestors experiences, your personality, the social norms of the day and who knows what else that affects the way your “I WANT” temper tantrum was handled, and just what you learned from that.
And if your parents where suckers like me, they melted into that gorgeous 2 year old face and delivered up everything that was desired, much to their dismay at around the age of 15 when the demands ramped up to a whole new octave!
The good news is that there is a solution. You can change. And it’s easier now than ever before. We’ve learned a lot about Energy Psychology and the science of Epigenetics has shown us that we can change the way out genes express themselves. You can turn on your confidence genes.
Scientists have now shown that we do indeed have a number of emotional set points that we normally return to. Collectively it's called our "energy signature" - Dr Bruce Lipton.
The problem is that if you feel lacking in confidence and altogether overwhelmed, your happiness or your general emotional set-point is not where you want it to be. By focusing some attention on raising your vibration, you can change your emotional set-point to one of contentment and joy, and with that will come a new confidence.
In your meditation practice, the perfect place to start is to scan those early years, say from 18 months to 4 years of age and see where the problems are. Spend time there enquiring of that little person. Depending on your situation, this might require some time. You may have to visit with her for some weeks, listening, enquiring, responding to what she wants of you.
If you feel that you would like some help, you can contact me for a “no obligation” chat anytime. This link will take you to my scheduler to make a time that works for you.
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